having a meltdown

I'm SO sick of this...clearly I haven't stuck to my plans and all I wanna do is just bury VCE into a pit =__= I'm *doing* work but NONE of it feels productive. I spend 2 hours memorising half my Japanese oral, and forget it all the next day. HOW IS THAT FAIR? Plus I hand in some work to my English tutor thinking I'm awesome because I've actually made the effort to TRY and she gives it back to me telling me that it's not bad, but it's not good either...so its like I wasted my time yet again. Don't even get me started on how I should tackle Chem/Psych, I don't even know where to fricken start...

UMAT was an absolute failure, no chance of doing undergrad med, but that's totally cool with me...sorts out my preference dilemma anyway :P Until dad started adding the pressure and being all like "so you'll do biomed, and then do med right? so if you do science, will that take you to med? how many years before you can study med?". WELL YES I *DO* WANNA DO MED AT SOME POINT IN MY LIFE, BUT IF YOU KEEP TALKING LIKE THIS MAYBE I DON'T WANNA DO IT ANYMORE HUH!

So I got over that pretty quick aha, until today when the topic of VCE just WOULD NOT leave the dinner table. So I ran away and had a cry/vented to a few friends - girls definately being the more comforting of the 2 genders haha.

I just hope all this pressure/stress/work/emotional instability is worth that stupid 4 digit number on Dec 13th

xo